Perspective

woot!

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 15:16:45 GMT

I think my previous entry was a success! I was able to reconnect with several awesome people whom I have not seen in a long time. Plus, I was able to re-establish myself as a legitimate member of the LJ community.

Unfortunately, the success of the last post was also marred by failure. I love ya'll dearly but no one knows of job opps in FL? Not even a snarky comment was made about the job search. Sigh, disappointed.

On the bright side, I have a phone interview tomorrow with a firm down in Jax. Woot!

blah

Mon, 02 Nov 2009 15:56:10 GMT

it has been way too long since i have been able to update my livejournal. sometimes i wonder if it is worth keeping. then i go and look at my friends page and remember that this is pretty much my only contact with some people.

so in a nutshell my life:
1. work sucks. it really really sucks.
2. relationship rocks. it really really rocks.
3. deployments are evil. they should end.
4. april can not get here fast enough.
5. being sick sucks, especially when combined with #1.
6. i need a new job, preferably down in FL. anyone know of any job opps?

Thu, 08 Oct 2009 14:26:55 GMT

I hate it when i am being silly. I really do. Unfortunately no one is around to remind me of how silly I am being.

Another day closer...

Wed, 13 May 2009 15:35:55 GMT

There are some days when i wonder to what i am another day closer. Another day closer to happiness? Seems hard to imagine being happier than i am right now. Another day closer to understanding and wisdom? It is impossible to be close let alone closer to something that doesn't really have an end. perhaps it just means that i am another step closer to becoming the woman i was meant to become, whoever she may be.

At other times i know it is another step closer to wanting to smack all men upside the head and ask them what, if anything, they were thinking. Seriously, DB can't live without a computer at home? what have i been doing for several months now!? Not that hard...sure there are personal sacrifices that must be made in the name of being computerless (which should only last for another day or so for me ::crosses fingers::) but over all it is a very nice and refreshing way of living. Imagine living like our parents did--no email and video games when you get home, simply dinner, a movie, a book, a walk, the nice, simple pleasures of life. Sigh, if only. Until then, i am getting in plenty of practice sending care packages!

Hmm, i do have to say that the past few weeks ahve been very educational for me. I have learned quite a bit about where my life is possibly headed. It makes me nervous in an excited way. Ohh...so much to talk about. I am going to be back in Y-town from the 30-1 if anyone wants to get together on the 31st...send me a private message with your phone number if you do. i have basically no one's contact information any more. very depressing. please please please send me your number even if you can't get together then! trust me, we ahve a lot of catching up to do....

Tue, 21 Apr 2009 20:28:04 GMT

I passed the LEED AP exam! yay!

Just in case anyone cares, that means I am now an "accredited professional" when it comes to designing green or environmentally friendly buildings.

Tue, 24 Mar 2009 14:41:52 GMT

i have truly moved forward a step--as of april 1st i will have 'moved' to a new apartment.

I say 'moved' because furniture will not be there yet...soon though.

If anyone is interested in my new contact information, drop me a message.

Tue, 24 Feb 2009 19:57:10 GMT

the elixir of life is truly 1 packet of sugar free hot chocolate mix + 2 packs hazelnut flavored splenda +hot water.

status update

Fri, 19 Dec 2008 06:24:21 GMT

step 1: complete.
step 2: I might need some help from here on out....

Thu, 18 Dec 2008 18:23:54 GMT

While everything i said in my last entry was true, i didn't write it with the intention to worry anyone. i wrote it because i feel so horrible about how i have treated all of you, my friends. knowing that you have forgiven me and are still there for me has been an incredible feeling, one i don't know if i deserve.

and just so everyone knows, i am starting to take the steps necessary to correct the current situation. it may take some time, but i am taking the first steps.

thank you.

Regret

Tue, 16 Dec 2008 18:35:47 GMT

I don't know how i got to this place in my life.

Looking back, i see many small decisions that led to big decisions that led here and yet, I still don't understand it at all.

I honestly feel as though my entire life right now is just one giant lie. i lie about what i do, who I talk to, what i feel, what i like...everything. i am living one giant lie. the worst part about it, i know that i am doing all of this. i know why i am doing all of this and i hate it. i hate it with every fiber of my being. i feel so alone right now it is unbelievable. the worst part is, i want to reach out to my friends, but i can't. he would know. and so i go on, alone, lonely, and lying.

please, to all of you, my friends who are reading this--i haven't forgotten you. i will never forget you. i want all of you in my life. things are just...complicated...i really miss all of you. trust me as you have never trusted me before. i know i haven't been a good friend for the past year or so, but i need you. i need you so much but i don't know what to do. just know that no matter what happens, i really do love and miss you all.

in the end, i don't think i am strong enough for this.

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 14:08:20 GMT

I sincerely hope that this day doesn't get worse.
1. I woke up late for work
2. I accidentally put cayenne pepper instead of cinnamon in my oatmeal
3. I ripped my last contact lens
4. I found out my contact lens prescription expired 2 weeks ago
5. My hair stylist is only working while i am at work
6. My favorite pair of shoes starting falling apart (while I am wearing them at work)
7. I am hardcore PMSing (sorry, but it is true)
8. Work just isn't going as well as it should be going

I really want today to be over....i really really really do

Ismi Jasmine

Thu, 31 Jan 2008 04:50:39 GMT

Well, the inevitable happened. My darling little laptop, Eli, has finally been retired. His replacement is a vivacious and cunning sprite who goes by the name of Jasmine. She is very pretty, very red. Yay for Sony letting you customize your laptop's color.

Put simply, Eli will now be staying in ML to serve as my work computer (at least until he dies for real). Jasmine will be my new partner in crime....muhahahaha

Oh, and I should probably say that even though i rarely update, comment even less often, i do keep reading everyone's entries. they make me happy; remind me of 'happier' times. Thanks for keeping me a part of your lives. ::hugs::

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 18:55:08 GMT

Holy cow....
I haven't written on LJ since the great SI debacle.

I apologize to all of my (formerly) faithful readers. Believe it or not, I have not completely forsaken LJ...I read updates on my friends page every day!!!

As it is, this entry is going to be short but chock full of information.

Things becky has done since mid june:
1. been to philadelphia
2. met karim's parents (he met mine in ohio)
3. raced at the Naragansett boat club in RI
4. been to NC to visit Sarah
5. seen Chess while in NC
6. been a speaker at the freshman honors tribute at ysu
7. been in her sister's wedding
8. gotten another speeding ticket
9. competed in the head of the housatonic regatta at NHRC
10.found a new advisor
11.become a chemical engineer who is doing environmental research
12.become an experimentalist
13.applied for fellowships
14.gotten her MS in engineering (the diploma is coming in december, but i have it!)
15.become a volunteer with the Workshop for Children with Special Needs
16.stopped being a vegetarian
17.found that she actually enjoys hiking and running....

and is now off for lunch

Fri, 18 May 2007 19:39:49 GMT

A lot has happened recently.
1. the semester ended
a. I got an honors in perturbation AND numerical. the jury is still out with jerzy and my SI.
2. I have started rowing on the water. it is the single most amazing thing ever
a. It doesn't look good for the engineering team, no shell=no team
3. I almost died last night
a. a mental note should be made by all that no one should climb sleeping giant after 8 pm as the sun sets and it gets REALLY FRICKING DARK.

Ok, so when i put it in a list like that it really doesn't look like a whole lot--but my life has been busy!

...and i love it!

Tue, 08 May 2007 14:10:34 GMT

As of this moment I really don't care about the math methods final. that class is pure evil. on the bright side, i have made my honors requirements by getting an honors in perturbation theory! yay!!

Thu, 03 May 2007 13:50:49 GMT

Just a quick note of thanks for all of your thoughts and prayers over the past couple of days. My dad has been home for the past couple of days and is pretty much back to full strength.

Once again, thank you all. I am currently in the middle of reading week and so things around here are slightly crazier than normal. I have my first final on tuesday. On the up side, I think that I have pulled off an honors in perturbation. I can hope. :-)

so, until finals and everything calms down, i bid you farewell...

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 14:49:21 GMT

I know it has been an insanely long time since I have posted. I have no excuse. PLease do know that I have been avidly following everyone's posts even if I haven't been posting.

So, the main reason for this post is that I would really appreciate it if you all would keep my father and family in your thoughts and prayers. He was in a car accident yesterday. He will be ok, but he is still in the hospital for the moment. Also, the person from the other car involved in the accident is doing significantly worse so keep him in your thoughts as well. Thanks.

Tue, 03 Apr 2007 18:45:30 GMT

I don't even want to think of how long it has been since I have updated my LJ. THis does not mean that I do not read my friends' pages every single day. (in fact, my friends page is set as my homepage for mozilla which is the only browser worthy of being used on dear, sweet Eli.)

In any event, things have been insane around here and have not really so much as followed the schedule that I thought that they would. (see previous post) it has been crazy. that being said, i will infact be in ohio this coming weekend. i shall also be on campus at YSU on saturday for hte opening of curmath. i am going more as a chance to see people than to celebrate the opening of a superfluous organization. ( i think i am just bitter that i wasn't asked to be on the panel of graduate students!)

Tue, 06 Mar 2007 16:03:05 GMT

I just met with my advisor. I think that this June I am going to go insane. there really isn't any way around this. He wants me to do my SI presentation sometime in June. I am totally ok with that as it gives me another month to focus ONLY on my research. (Yay for no classes!) However, based on his travel schedule, I am either to present immediately after getting back from minnesota or ohio. This will make life hell as traveling + finishing research (could)=disaster.

Oh well, do not focus on that for the moment. focus on the perturbation theory stuff that is gonna be due today/tomorrow....i hope luca isn't finished. On the upside both numerical and math methods are cancelled for the day. this means i only have to go to perturbation this afternoon. then it is off to dinner, movie, and house with melanie and eric followed by tea with karim. should be a relaxing night. tomorrow will consist of perturbation and a focus on math methods...thursday will consist of going to numerical and turning in math methods (even though that class is cancelled). Perhaps thursday night will be the informal gathering of grad students? friday is the day the new recruits are coming into town. it should be pretty interesting to see what happens there. Oh, and then saturday is the spring break party that karen and i are throwing. sunday i am driving up to visit sarah and michael in new york, and then christy is coming into town on tuesday, parallel programming seminar next friday, new york that weekend with karen and justin et al. sometime in there we are also going to head over to mory's and do a cup. that should be fun.

in conclusion, life is busy. life is very very busy. but i like it. :-)

Thu, 22 Feb 2007 21:11:19 GMT

What an amazing past few weeks...wow. I am not sure where to begin. Ummm...ok, how about if I work back from today? First off, I learned a LOT about people and what they know and don't know. Also, things are totally cool between Aaron and I now. One of those things upon which to look back and laugh now. He also agreed to escort me to the winter ball on saturday should karim not attend. Last night with Karim was wonderful. We ended up walking along the 'beach' before heading back to the 'mansion' for tea, cookies, and studying. I wasn't incredibly productive with studying, but I did do a fair amount of reading. It was wonderful just sitting there with him though.

Yesterday wasn't all fun and games though. Tuesday night I got sort of sick at the pancake party. Sniffle...i want pancakes, preferably at some awkward early morning hour with my Vince. :-( I miss my vince. Anyway...I ended up not being at my best early yesterday and so I ended up leaving work insanely early and catching up on much needed rest, etc. The weekend was also bloody fantastic. Friday was Brokeback Mountain with Karim, Saturday was the GPSCY Mardi Gras party (see facebook for pictures that my roomie Karen tagged) and sunday was spent with my darling Sara. She even taught me some of the basics of spinning poi (sp?). Twas a fun night with her and kevin.

OMG, i am a total fagnet.

I dont' really remember much from last week other than it was the best V-day I have had in memory. It was wonderful. I baked cookies, went to dinner, and had a blast. Not to mention turning in a homework assignment for perturbation. (wow, i love taht class!)

Ok, I need to get back to work if I want to justify going to see 23 tomorrow, the winter ball saturday, and the hoedown on sunday. ;-)

Send me a valentine?

Mon, 12 Feb 2007 19:20:26 GMT

This is pretty much your last chance...

Get your own valentinr

Fri, 02 Feb 2007 14:57:28 GMT

Get your own valentinr

Fri, 26 Jan 2007 19:30:53 GMT

I am not sure if I just did the right thing. I made a very rash decision and now I am not sure if I regret it or not. I don't think I will regret the effect that it has on the other person but I think I am about to really regret the effect that it has on myself. I suddenly feel very stupid.

On some level though, I think i might feel worse if I had not done what I did. He deserved absolute honesty from me in that situation and although what I just gave him was completely true, it wasn't the whole truth. I think it will work out well for him...and that is what I am afraid of happening.

sigh.

Sat, 13 Jan 2007 01:01:49 GMT

I am very excited! I got my first two parallel programs to work. In true programming fashion the first one was "hello world". It was the first time I have ever written that program. The second was a program to approximate pi.

I am very excited b/c I figured out how to compile and run the mpi on my own. (with the help of a good book and the internet, but still alone!)

Yay for making headway!

Today's entry brought to you by the letter H

Tue, 09 Jan 2007 20:20:30 GMT

I have never been so happy to see a single letter in my life.